CHAPTER EIGHT JUNE 2010.
I’ve spent much of the last decade writing about trans woman exclusion and trans woman irrelevancy in queer women’s communities. I have whacked off for hours and hours and hours, railing at the injustice that Actual Dykes don’t find my strapless strap on appealing.
You would think that by now, I would have little left to say about the subject, but this is not the case, because there is no one more wordy or loud than an aggrieved Heterosexual Man. In deciding what I would write about this time around, I wrestled with so many possible themes: for instance, discussing how my views on this issue have evolved over the years; critiquing the masculine-centrism of modern-day dyke communities (which I can just based on living in San Francisco, which is exactly at Dykes are Dykes in every other part of the world); highlighting the need for heterogeneous queer spaces that are accepting of difference (FUCK YOUR WOMEN-ONLY SPACE BIOTCHES); explaining how trans male/masculine folks who claim a place in dyke spaces by emphasizing their lack of male genitals or their assigned female- at-birth status royally screw over their trans sisters (and by “sisters,” I mean MEN); or the misogyny inherent in the fact that the queer community loves it when trans female/feminine spectrum folks get all dragged up and lip sync along to some record, but when we speak in our own voices about issues that are important to us, nobody wants to take us seriously (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I JUST TRANSED THE DRAG QUEENS. UMBRELLA, Y’ALL).
While these are all worthy topics, I couldn’t make up my mind about what I most wanted to write about. So I decided to take a different approach. Instead of figuring out what I most wanted to say, I asked myself: What do I most want to hear? What topic would I most like to see addressed? And the answer to that question is easy: dating.
Unfortunately for me, this also happens to be the topic that I least want to publicly share my thoughts about, in part because I like to keep some parts of my life relatively private, and in part because I know some people will not like what I have to say. But I suppose that neither of these reasons has ever stopped me from speaking my mind before. So buckle up, bitches!
About two years ago, my ex and I split up after being together for nearly a decade. She was a cis queer woman (i.e., heterosexual) who was supportive when I transitioned a few years into our relationship, and we were monogamous during the lion’s share of our time together (except those times I got freaky while doing Poetry Slam – Cocky is a huge turn on for my Shemale Sisters!!). This meant that for the first time in a decade, I would be re-entering the dating scene.
This could be somewhat disconcerting for any person, but there were a few compounding factors that made it especially . . . well, let’s say “interesting” . . . for me. AND EVERYTHING IS WORSE/HARDER FOR ME, JULIA SERANO.
First, this would be the first time that I would be dating people as a woman. Furthermore, while I had dated queer women before my transition, this would be my first time formally dating within the queer women’s community. LOL at “formal.” On top of that, around this same time, after years of identifying as a lesbian, I came out as bisexual, so I also planned on dating men. With regards to meeting queer women, it seems that traditionally much of this takes place in dyke bars and clubs. What’s that you say? Many cities no longer have these spaces because they were overrun by transwomen? Fuck you, bigot. Continue reading