Over the last few years, my femme identity has very much informed the way that I relate to myself as a trans woman, as a queer woman, and as a feminist more generally. Did that make you laugh? Fuck you bigot. All I got is femmeness to be a woman, because I’m a man. Don’t you dare take that away from me? Like “being a woman” has ANYTHING to do with being female. If you were to ask a hundred different femmes at a Pink Essence conference to define the word “femme,” you would probably get a hundred different answers all relating to the hard ons we got the first time we put on our mommy’s panties. Having said this, most femmes, who I will call memes, because we are men, would no doubt agree that an important, if not central, aspect of femme identity involves making sure feminine gender expression, or “femininity” never ever ever ever goes away, for without it WE WOULD LITERALLY DIE.
It is common-place for people in both the straight mainstream as well as within our queer and feminist circles to presume that feminine gender expression is more frivolous, artificial, impractical, and manipulative than masculine gender expression, and that those of us who dress or act femininely are likely to be more tame, fragile, dependent, and immature than our masculine or “gender neutral” counterparts. Of course, I will ignore radical feminists who have a critique of gender that posits that the feminine gender role is one that females are socialized into to keep women subordinate to men. Those bitches are just mean and simply don’t understand how empowerfulizing it is to be viewed as a sperm receptacle for Real Men (which doesn’t include me, because I’m a laydee). By reclaiming femininity, those of us men who are femme and have never been oppressed by gender are engaged in a constant process of challenging these negative assumptions that are routinely projected onto feminine gender expression. Just kidding! We only exist because of these negative assumptions! Continue reading